Country music star Lindsay Ell shocked her fans this week when she revealed that she was raped twice when she was younger, and she opens up about these experiences in her new music.
The 31 year-old singer revealed to People [1] magazine that she was raped for the first time when she was 13, and then sexually assaulted again when she was 21.
Ell explained that as she entered her teenage years, she was groomed and assaulted by a man at her church, which was something she didn’t tell her parents for years.
“They had no idea it happened, and they were absolutely horrified,” she said.
“I’m so grateful towards both of them because they helped me not go into any unhealthy mechanisms to cope.”
Ell dealt with the rape in therapy, but eight years later, she found herself being victimized again in a “different” and a “lot more violent” way.
After this rape, she began suffering from severe depression and anxiety.
Going public with her traumas now has given Ell a sense of freedom that she never had before.
“Part of me talking about it now is liberating the little 13-year-old Lindsay and the 21-year-old Lindsay,” she explained.
“Pain is something we can let control us if we don’t deal with it, but the minute you put a voice to your story the shame has no power.”
Ell decided to write about her first rape in her new song “make you,” which is on her latest album “heart theory.”
“The song only talks about the first time. It’s just a difficult thing to talk about, and it’s something that I process every day still,” she said of the tune.
Lyrics of the song include:
“Thirteen, starin’ in the mirror/You still look so innocent/But that was all gone yesterday/At eighteen, you see it a little clearer/Somethin’ that was taken/Before you could give it away/And you feel dirty, you feel guilty/For what was done to you/There’ll be a canyon in your chest/For what you can’t undo.”
Ell found the courage to come forward with her experiences after paying a visit to Youth for Tomorrow, an organization that helps young victims of sexual abuse.
“I felt so alone for so long, like ‘This only happened to me.’ But it’s not true,” she confessed.
“If I would’ve known that when I was 13, I would have felt such a deep feeling of relief.”
Now, she is hoping to help other young victims move forward after suffering their traumas.
“I hear you and I see you. You’re not broken,” said Ell. “And you are worthy of incredible things.”
This piece originally appeared in UpliftingToday.com [4] and is used by permission.
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